MIA

So obviously I'm not a hardcore blogger. Or maybe it's just I'm sick of reading my own words about how this time around I'm going to get on track and stay there, and then disappearing for weeks or months because I slid back into my bad habits yet again. So this is really a rant for one. Me.

It is well past time for me to take my health seriously. So to that end, I've switched from Flex to Core, and have for the past week been enjoying it thoroughly. I've also signed up for the CIBC Run for the Cure in October, and am currently on my second week of www.coolrunning.com 's Couch to 5K training program, done via podcasts. So far so good.

I feel better than I did a couple weeks ago.

And really, while I'm pissed that I've been neglected WW and so the number on the scale was moving up, the best part about getting back on track isn't that little flashing number each Monday morning.

It's finally saying to myself, I'm worth it. Time to get my ass in gear.

Accountability

Okay, signing back on here. Tired of not posting because I didn't want to post gains.

So I gained yesterday. Still floating around the mid 170s. Can't seem to break that 174 mark for love or money.

BUT I am hitting the gym regularly, I've been better about my food choices in general, I just need to make sure when I do make less intelligent choices, it's not a ton of salty stuff Sunday night! Great thing right before a WI. Ah well.

Anywho, to quote the movie Dick Tracy: "Back in business and ain't it grand, let the good times roll".

Holy crap!

So... WI day, after having a bad week food-wise, but an awesome week for working out. Drum roll please, I am down a whopping 3.2 pounds! I couldn't believe it this morning, I actually ran back into the bedroom and bounced onto the bed on all fours to crouch in front of my put-upon husband who was trying to sleep so I could tell him. :) He was properly impressed. ;)

Hit the gym today, earned myself 8 AP, and feeling pretty darn good. I've got my meals for tomorrow planned, other than dinner, but it'll probably be something very light, since I won't be home for dinner until after 8pm, because of a personal training session.

So exercise is on track. Food is on track. I just need a job that doesn't make me insane, and pays well, and life will be wonderful!

Feeling better

So it's true, working out can release those wonderful endorphins. I started this week in a horrible mood. Literally in tears. Monday evening was a haze of tension headache. Tuesday I worked out with my personal trainer, had a great session, found out something that I have in common with her. Wasn't a big deal, just a little info, but it just clicked into place, made so much sense, and made me laugh. And just cemented my opinion of her. She's awesome.

I worked out on Wednesday with a friend, mainly sticking to cardio, then Thursday was yoga, and Saturday went with my friend again. I had a major slide with WW this week, but caught myself, dragged myself kicking and screaming back on track, and feeling pretty good. I WILL track everything, and I will take what comes on my WI tomorrow. I've gone over my flex slightly, but I'm okay with that. Because I tracked it anyway.

Also, I got new glasses this week, and they look awesome. Always a boost. ;)

Definition

So, what's the difference between stress, anxiety, and depression? Degrees I suppose. Feeling like crap lately. Like I'm in a total rut. Which is accurate enough considering how I feel about my job. I want out, but can't manage to get an interview anywhere else. I feel trapped, resentful, and getting to be bitter. And yet there are aspects I do enjoy. But the be all and end all is turning into sales, which I despise. It's gotten to the point I'm not sleeping well at night, thinking about work.

I'm also in a rut with the weight loss. Not again, still. I can't count a week of following the plan as being back on track if I can't get it to go any farther. I feel stuck. Looking into the "Eat-Clean" tack, to go along with WW. Maybe if I could get hold of my personal trainer it'd help too, however that's not proving too easy either. :(

Alright, enough of the pity party, off to assemble my lunch for tomorrow.

Today's WI

Today I was up by 0.2, which isn't that bad all things considered. Easter dinner was at the 'rents place, and was wonderful as per the standard. :) Ate more than I should have, but yeehaw, Mom's also on WW, so most of the choices were healthy points-wise.

Was supposed to hit the gym tonight with D (sorry hon) but had to cancel on her again because of this damned cold. My nose is raw, my head is completely stuffed up (no comments, thanks!), and I basically feel like crap. To the point my boss offered to send me home. Oh sure, there was an hour left to the day, but it was nice she noticed how badly I was suffering.

I've called R to cancel my personal training session for tomorrow, and we'll see how I feel later in the week. Just at this point, I'm so congested I can't see myself doing well at all with the weights. Hard to breathe period, much less while doing lunges and squats.

Here's to lemon tea and brandy. Cheers.

WI

Woohoo! Despite TOI, drinking, food, and assorted wonderful badness, I had a loss this morning for my WI. Just 0.6, but after a weekend like that, I'll take it! :D

TOI

Was fan-freakin-tastic.

That is all.

:D

Growl.........

Okay, I love my husband. I really do. But there are times he just doesn't get it and opens his mouth when he really shouldn't. And then tries to explain what he really meant, and makes it worse and more hurtful.

Damnit. I was in a wonderful mood when I got home, had a great yoga session, was really relaxed, and proud of myself for being able to hold positions that used to feel impossible. DH got home early from work, I thought that was great too. I started to tell him about yoga being great, and he cut me off, said he wasn't interested.

Lovely. I'm working on doing something for myself, trying to improve my health, and he's not interested. Thanks. Made my day.

Jerk.

(postscript: next evening)

We talked, he apologized, offered hug.

He's a jerk, but admits when he's wrong, and makes good. AND gets why I was upset, and says he'll try not to do that again. Can't ask for more than that.

Me and my sick personal trainer

And by that I mean ill. Poor thing, she's got the flu, or something equally nasty. We met once last week instead of twice (I hit the gym both days for workouts), and she had to cancel tonights appointment as well. I went anyway for a workout. I needed to stretch things out after shoveling snow for an hour yesterday, or tomorrow morning I don't think I'd have been able to move.

So I'm feeling better about the working out. Getting back on track, even dragged a friend along tonight. Eating and counting points... well... Most days I'm on track with that, but weekends unfortunately do not seem to fall under the category of "most days". Crap. I need to work on that.

Good news is I'm down (again) by another 0.6. Not much, I know, but considering my weekend included fish and chips AND poutine, I think I'm entitled to a little happiness about this loss. SO glad I've been working out, or I'd never have seen that loss! Let's see if I can keep the scale moving in the right direction despite TOI this weekend. :)

Another NSV

Hit the gym tonight for a PT session, R was down with a migraine, which is only fair, I was off sick with one yesterday.

Stayed and worked out anyway. Woohoo!

WI yesterday was good, down 0.6. Doesn't seem like a lot.

It's a lot. I ate crap all weekend, so I'm completely amazed I had any kind of loss.

I really need to get my ass back in gear and start planning meals again. I'm flying by the seat of my pants right now, and not getting anywhere. Tomorrow night we'll have to do groceries. I've got lunch figured out already. :)

workout

Did it! Got back to the gym for a session with my personal trainer, and it was great! She really pushed me, which is awesome, and I did weight reps I didn't know I could do. Started with the harder and heavier at the beginning, so at the end when I was tired, the lighter weights were enough work.

Ate really well, tracked everything in my journal, and feeling good. Had a gain at WI this morning, but a measly 0.2 isn't much to worry about, especially not after this weekend.

I've got another personal training appointment on Thursday, and looking forward to it. Every session with R makes me realize she's awesome, and that my last trainer was... kinda a twit.

just a little creeped out

Alright, I can deal with being hit on. It's nice and flattering, if the person is cool about it. If they're slimy, it's not so nice.

This wasn't slimy, but it was decidedly strange. Who calls a company's 1-800 number, identifies the location (Canada-wide) of the person they want to reach, and then asks if I got the phone number he'd written on the back of the 300g chocolate bar he left with me, and by the way can I call him tonight?!

I told him tonight wasn't good, I was going to be out with my husband all evening.

Really hope he takes the hint, rather than assuming I'll call him some other night...

procrastination

So I've got a couple DVDs of photos downstairs. One is from our wedding, and I'm thrilled with those. Another is a compilation of photos from my dad's side of the family, which was assembled for my gramma's 80th birthday. Way too many "before" pictures on that disk! I really should get them onto here so I've got a constant reminder to keep on plan for WW, but I'm not sure I want a constant reminder of how heavy I was. Not a pretty picture.

J would argue that, but then when I waved the photo I plan to use for my "before" shot at him, he asked what was wrong with the picture, 'cause I was beautiful.

He's such a sweetheart. I pointed out that once upon a time I didn't have multiple chins.

Personal training attempt

Had a session booked tonight, but my P.T. came down with a migraine and had to cancel. Poor thing has my sympathies, because I get those too, so I know how bad they are. But because I hadn't thought to give her my cell number, I didn't know the appointment was cancelled until after my warmup.

So I stayed and did 20 minutes of cardio. I know, not a big deal, but with my walks to and from work, that made for 60 minutes of cardio today.

I've been so miserable lately, and I think getting my butt back to the gym is really going to help.

Now all I have to do is solve my work issues, win the lottery, and I'll be fine! Tongue in cheek, but really, I do need to find a new job, and I need to save some money to go back to school, even via distance ed. Goal for this year, save money. Which reminds me, I need to go make lunch for tomorrow so I'm not tempted to buy it.

getting tired of this

So my weekend is here, since I took today as a vacation day. We're heading up to the cottage today, and then to Sudbury Sunday for a party for my gramma's 80th. Fun times.

Why am I in a bad mood then? I feel on edge, snippy, and teary. Time to shake myself off and get moving though. Long drive, and I'm glad J's driving. Maybe I'll have a nap in the car.

back to the gym

So tonight was my first personal training session with my trainer. That was supposed to happen three weeks ago but then I broke two toes. Slight need for recovery there.

She is awesome. We talked about goals, challenges that I have, nutrition (down to easier and hardest part of following WW), and took all my measurements. Only did about a half hour workout, but considering I hadn't been to the gym since September, I'm feeling good. Then of course was my 15 minute walk home to finish up my cardio.

Back on track, and feeling much better. :)

Hmm... something to think about

We're getting "tips" through working on living well. Today's struck home just a little:

"Ask for help when you need it. There are times in our lives when we feel overwhelmed in our professional and/or personal lives and need support. Remember that asking for help is a strength and a sign of resourcefulness, not a weakness."

Note to self, remember to ask for help when I need it.

bitchfest

Okay, I've been depressed lately. I know this. I'm trying to fight it, to not let it bring me totally down. Then this morning while I'm getting ready for work I just burst into tears. J sat there and held me, drove me in to work, and on the way asked for an explanation.

What do I tell him? That I'm frustrated with work? He already knows that. That I'm having a hard time lately following my weight watchers plan? He knows that. That I'm still sore from breaking my toes, and it's keeping me from getting back to the gym, and that's pissing me off? He knows that part too. He also knows one of my coworkers is making me crazy, just by being young and slightly ... oblivious. That's a good word for it. It scares me though when someone just 4 years younger than I am makes me feel old. Totally different values I suppose.

So anyway, I started my day in tears, was up by 3 freakin pounds for my WI, get to work and discover that we're short staffed yet again, and get to deal with the young idiot hanging onto a fax instead of delivering it where it was supposed to go. Great.

I'm so tired. Not physically, though there's a little of that too. I'm just emotionally drained, and I don't know how to fix that.

Weekend's arrived

Hallelujah, the weekend is here.

So I'm a little fed up with work at the moment, in part because the past week has been deader than a door nail (what does that mean?), and also because I'm ready to strangle a coworker. I won't get into why, but it's enough to have me pulling out my hair.

So I've been down lately, partly the weather, partly I'm frustrated with work, and just the tiniest bit, I'm starting to hear that clock. The last part at least I can deal with, I spoke to the other half, and just let him know that I don't want "someday" to keep being pushed back. I have a little deadline in mind for munchkins, at least for starting to try, which is before I'm 30. So another year and a half. Once that was stated, my mood improved, funny thing.

So I'm looking for a new job. Not that the one I have isn't decent, but there's a problem. I despise sales. I loathe them with every fibre of my being.

Guess what 9/10ths of my job entails? You got it. Never mind that I'm called a Customer Service Rep. The sales are more important than the customer service part.

I also would love to go back to school. It's funny. I had ample opportunity to go to post-secondary out of high school, but just couldn't deal at the time. Now I'm desperate to go back, and I can't afford the loss of income. I really want the training I need to get into a Human Resources position. I can deal with people all day long, and no sales.

Anyway, off to find the other half and see what's around for dinner, 'cause the cat is starting to look tasty, but she'd be too much work. ;)